Can't hide from suicide Published June 2, 2010 By Lieutenant Col. Gene Capone 459th Airlift Squadron YOKOTA AIR BASE, Japan -- If your co-worker told you his left arm and chest were hurting, then he collapsed on the floor, your CPR training would kick in and you'd do all you could to save his life. Now, what if your co-worker started showing signs of being suicidal? Would you know what to do? Sooner or later you'll have to face it, and when you do, you will want to be ready. For the first 35 years of my life, I was essentially unaffected by suicide. I was aware that suicide was a problem in society, but it was never close enough to force me to think about it. That changed. Several years ago, a college friend and fellow AF officer took his own life. I knew him well in college and I would have never dreamed he would commit suicide. I was wrong. At the pinnacle of his AF career, he made some incredibly bad decisions that violated the trust of his family and the Air Force. Having his life crumble before his eyes, coupled with the public humiliation of his misdeeds, was too much for him, and he ended his life. This was the first time my eyes were opened to the horrors of suicide. I was beginning to see that I was not immune. Apparently though, one event wasn't enough for me to realize I needed to take suicide more seriously. Last year I was serving in a post with the U.S. Army where I had two "suicide encounters" that further drove home the need to wake up to the realities of suicide. The Army, which has higher per capita suicide rates than the Air Force, was "standing down" to try to reverse their trend--much like our Air Force is doing right now. As part of this effort, a general officer came to our base as a guest speaker. I casually went to the event not expecting it to have any real personal impact because I still believed I was isolated. But, as I sat in the auditorium amongst a sea of Army warriors, tears began to flow from just about every person in the room as this Army-strong general officer and proud father of two successful sons told us how he lost them both within a year--one in Iraq (IED) and one to suicide. Understandably he was a broken man. He told us his son was suffering from depression but had it under control with medication. Thinking he didn't need the medication anymore, he stopped taking it without telling anyone. The resulting severe depression swing was too much for him. He ended his own life, but he also shattered his parents' lives as well. Having sons myself, this brought tears to my eyes; tears for him and his family, but also tears from the thought of how I would feel losing even one of my sons. I left the auditorium completely stunned...I wasn't immune. The very next day, the O-6 in charge of my unit had an "all-call." I wasn't able to attend due to TDY, but the percussion wave from what he said took my breath away even hearing it second hand. This officer was a "below the zone" superstar and a true leader. I consider him one of the finest officers I have had the privilege to serve with and under. He was the epitome of a leader who had it all together. It would have been easier for me to believe I was suicidal than to accept that he was. Nonetheless, this is what he said. When his first wife asked for a divorce, he felt like his whole world shattered. He didn't see it coming and he didn't know how to deal with it. He said that in his despair he went home, took out his 9mm, chambered a round, and put it in his mouth. Fortunately he had the courage to put it down and get help. I was floored. How could he have even considered suicide? These three events (among other influences) shook the foundations of my "suicide paradigm." Here are some of my thoughts. - Even though I don't personally have suicidal thoughts, others around me (friends, family and/or co-workers) may be suffering from them. As a Wingman, I need to be ready to help. - There is nothing shameful about having suicidal thoughts, being depressed, or having to ask for help. In fact, I now have a great respect for folks who have the courage to ask for help. My respect for the Colonel mentioned above went up, not down, after I heard that story. Yes, I was surprised that he almost killed himself, but after thinking it through I realized how truly strong he was to seek help and then to publically speak to his command about his "weakness." - While having suicidal thoughts is not shameful, I believe that acting on these thoughts is cowardly and selfish. Even though I realize that a significant portion of suicide is caused by mental illness, I personally think that taking your own life is cowardly. Certainly, it is a selfish act. Anyone who has seen the broken lives of loved ones affected by suicide will attest to this. - I take suicide training seriously. After the above mentioned events changed my way of thinking about suicide, I had the occasion to ask a friend if he was thinking of killing himself. I won't go into the details, but suffice to say that warning signs were present and I felt compelled to talk with him. I am not going to lie; it was awkward, but I am glad I did it. At a minimum, it let him know I cared enough to ask, and it gave me a confidence that my friend was OK. You can't hide from suicide. Sooner or later you will have to deal with it. Please take time to reflect on it. Be trained and ready to be a Wingman; you never know when you will need it. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please get help now; it is the courageous thing to do.