Speak up, be heard

  • Published
  • By Senior Airman Katrina R. Menchaca
  • 374th Airlift Wing Public Affairs
YOKOTA AIR BASE, Japan --  "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug." -- Mark Twain

Choosing the correct words when trying to communicate is an important part of any relationship. For most people, they can probably remember a certain situation where they wished they could've been more decisive or said what they really meant, but didn't quite know how.

The Family Advocacy office at Yokota offers a Women's Assertiveness Class to help teach women how to do just that.

The class is designed to be conducted in five sessions and teaches women the essentials of being self-confident. Using an interactive teaching approach students in the class "act out" scenarios they often times find difficult being assertive in.

"I believe that it's important for people to be able to assert themselves in a way that is neither passive nor aggressive, but in a way that will help build their self-esteem," said Carl Neighbors, a licensed clinical social worker and Family Advocacy treatment manager.

Each week the students learn a different technique to help them be more assertive in the way they handle day-to-day situations that may make them feel uncomfortable. The techniques are as follows:

Week 1: The DEAL Method - Describe the situation, express your feelings, ask for reasonable changes, and listen and negotiate.

Week 2: The STAR Model - Describe the situation, your thoughts, feelings, actions and view the results.

Week 3: Owning Your Fears - Look at your fears and then weigh the pros and cons of confronting those fears.

Week 4: Rights and Responsibilities - What your rights are in being assertive and also what your responsibilities are with this skill, such as being honest, appropriate, respectful and direct.

Week 5: Try It and See - Take various actions, implement them and then evaluate what works and what doesn't.

"For me it's about communication. Too many times I hear, 'I didn't know that's what you meant,' or 'I didn't know that's what you wanted,'" said Walter Humenick, a licensed clinical social worker and Family Advocacy treatment manager. "It's often discovered later that neither of the parties expressed what they were thinking to make the situation work."

Currently, the class is only offered for women with Status of Forces Agreement status. It is available on a flexible basis depending on the group's needs and their availability.
It is held in the Family Advocacy conference room located on the second floor in the 374th Medical Group annex building on the east side of base.

Yokota does not currently offer a men's assertiveness class. However, Humenick said he would start one if there was enough interest expressed by men at Yokota.

"I understand military families are active and are often times very busy. Sometimes there isn't enough time to sit and effectively communicate," said Humenick. "We offer women the information they need and help teach them skills to help communicate and say what they mean."